Monday, September 9, 2013
Caleb Marc Jackson
September 4, 2013
Our faithful and fearless Warrior…
Caleb's daddy and I are so blessed to be able to share our beautiful journey here with everyone. We pray you walk away blessed, inspired, and in awe of God's love…
Having suffered a miscarriage after Trey, our first born, his daddy and I were so excited to hear a new little heartbeat for the first time! However, concerns for this new little one began at about 16 weeks gestation.
At a normal pre-natal checkup, we discovered my amniotic fluid level was extremely low. The following week, we were sent to the Upstate Perinatal Center in Syracuse for a diagnostic sonogram and consultation. On such an awful day- our 4th wedding anniversary of all days- God's grace and mercy were still so evident. Our kind doctor sat with us and very gently, with compassion in his eyes and voice, explained to us the diagnosis: Bi-lateral multi-cystic kidney dysplasia. Simply put, our baby had two non-functioning kidneys that would be unable to produce any amniotic fluid in the womb. Without amniotic fluid, the lungs would not develop and there was absolutely nothing that could be done. The prognosis was fatal. Having done brief research prior to our consultation, we were both prepared for the worst. However, when we actually heard the worst was true, we were both crushed.
As my husband and I sat in that office, crying, I tangibly felt our Comforter, the Holy Spirit, rush in and fill the room. More grace and strength began to flood in and cover me that day. Without it, I would have been unable to go on; not on my own strength. "Carry a baby to full term knowing that it would not survive!? NO! How can I do this!?" God's grace…God's grace. He would be my strength.
The next three months I began to experience the love of my Savior and the comfort of the Holy Spirit in deeper ways than ever before in my life. The Bible says, in 2 Corinthians 1:4, that God is the "Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."
As the months went by, and the baby grew, I began to feel its little movements. At times when I asked the Lord, "why?" His love and comfort once again would rush in, hold my heart, and open my eyes to His perspective. One night while lying in bed, realizing how completely out of control I was and how in control God was, He revealed to me the blessing of this life in my womb. God has chosen me to give this baby life at this moment. I was to cherish this baby and the journey of another pregnancy. For an appointed time, God had given me the ability to keep this baby alive and when the time came for him to be delivered, he would no longer be mine, but the Lord's. God loves this baby more than I can even comprehend and He has a plan and purpose for him. I thanked the Lord for using me to give that baby life and then gave him back to the Lord on that night.
I prayed for the baby's healing many times as did others, and I knew God was more than able to heal this baby here on earth. As the baby's time got closer, however, I could feel the Lord reminding me and preparing me for what was most likely to happen. I cried more and it crushed me to imagine myself coming home after delivery without a baby.
September 4th, two months and four days before our due date, God said, "it's time." Labor was so quick- three hours of contractions and two pushes. I experienced the miracle of birth a second time, thank you Jesus. And that sweet name, Jesus is all that came out of my mouth, over and over again, as they took our baby boy and rubbed him and cleaned him. I heard a few little sounds come from him, which to me was another miracle. The nurses wrapped him up in his blanket and placed him on my chest. My husband and I both held his little life as he lay there peacefully and quietly as if still in the womb. He was with us a little while longer, and at some point passed peacefully in my arms. Thank you Jesus for that time. Thank you for our son.
Thank you, Caleb Marc, for bringing me closer to my Lord. Because of you and our seven month journey together, I have fallen deeper in love with Jesus and experienced the depths of His love and grace. No love is higher, no love is wider, no love is deeper, no love is truer or more complete than the love of God. He has become my source. Caleb, you will continue to touch and change lives as we share our story. You will always be our baby, and we will see you soon…
